To My Former Best Friend

I debated posting this letter these last few months, but I have this need to get this off my chest so that I can finally be done with it.

To My Former Best Friend (one of them):

You know who are you are. We were friends for years, up until this year and do I regret meeting you? No. Not really. I don’t think so anyway.

I hate that I was nice enough to say yes when you asked me for help on a project. I hate that I spent all of my free time for months on this project, even when I was at work in the gas station I was working on things on my tablet or in my notebooks. Every single second of my non-work time was spent helping you.

I hate that because of it I wasn’t able to work on my writing, my mind being blocked by the stress and just whatever else. Whenever I tried to write, it just wouldn’t come out.

I hate that I helped you promote every single post, on every single form of social media, for months. I hate that I got friends involved with said project, whether working it or promoting it, or just getting them to attend.

I hate that when the time came for the event I was treated like I hadn’t helped all weekend, or the months before. That when I showed up for the day you weren’t down there at the time you specified. That you freaked out on me because I tried calling or informing of you of a situation that I shouldn’t have had to deal with. That only myself and one or two other volunteers were downstairs at the specified time, even before that time. I hate that when I tried to fix things because you weren’t going to everyone else said I was taking over. I hate that the people who didn’t do what they were supposed to or didn’t abide by the contracts you didn’t have us sign (whatever) I was the one that was treated like a pariah.

I hate that all these years of friendship are gone now. Do I regret ending it? No. I feel much less stress now that I don’t have to deal with you pitting me against your other best friend. I feel much less blocked when I go to write – words actually come out. I feel like I have more time to do what I want. I didn’t need your advice on how to run MY baking business. Or your and your other friend’s comments about who I am friends with – that’s my business and my relationships with people are not anyone’s business.

I hate that the day after the event I was miserable as all hell before going to Universal and that I had to try not to talk about stuff. That there were so many things you didn’t tell me before/during/after the event that I needed to know.

I hate that you lied to me about things after the fact. About needing to do certain things, which I will not say because they’re not anyone’s business. I hate that you refused to send one of my friends (another volunteer) her stuff even though you said you did. If you “sent them” and she didn’t get them what’s the harm in sending them again.

I hate that you basically used me for my experience and knowledge about certain things. I wish I had said no when you repeatedly asked for my help. I wish I stuck with my answer of no when you asked me to take time off of work and come down to Orlando to help at the event like I had originally said.

I wish that I hadn’t put myself through dealing with the stress of it, the lack of sleep of it, and the dealing with your other best friend who hates me and originally was saying things I wasn’t a fan of.

Overall, I don’t hate that I met you, that I have all these memories with you. Some of them are good. But honestly, the few bad things outweigh the good. The stress, the lack of sleep, and the tears aren’t worth it. My real friends know that.

I’m not sorry for all the friends I made at the event. I love that I made new friends in a fandom that will always hold a piece of my heart no matter what. I love that I got to see a few people I haven’t seen in years. I love that I got to go to Universal and Disney and had a better time at Disney than I did the first time. I just wish I had only gone down to see friends and do the parks.

So, to you. I don’t care if you ever see this, I’m not directly sending it to you. I’m just venting. I just want to be free. And slowly, day by day, month by month, I start to forget all about you. And that’s the peace that I want.